The big picture

Looking back over my scale weights over the last several months, Ive generally fluctuated from 73-76Kg.  I think it averages around 75Kg. Within that time I’ve tried to lose weight and got somewhere but then either went out and things went to pot or went on holiday…or something. There’s always something. This got me thinking, with all that effort in trying to lose weight how come I haven’t actually go the results? How come I’ve been going around in circles? In all that time, I could have lost the weight. Physiologically it was possible but why didn’t I? Clearly because of what’s going on in-between the ears. It's all mindset.

The weekly average is what’s important. That figure should go down gradually. Maybe not every single week but over time it should be going down. When I look at my tracker and look at what I’ve logged and look ahead to the coming weeks and months, I think if that number steadily goes down it would be great but how? When I think of the weekly totals over a period of time, it gives more of an overview. It gets me thinking more broadly. I start to see the bigger picture. It also takes the pressure off. I feel more at ease and relaxed. Its actually quite freeing. There’s less need to hit a certain weight by a certain date. There’s less fear and reactionary response. Even though that feeling had diminished before, its even less now. When I feel that pressure, even though it might not be huge, its like its there in the background even though I don’t recognise it at the time. Its because of that subtle pressure that I find that its like I overeact and force myself to do things and its like a very subtle form of panic mode rather than an ease of decision making. Its like the same decision comes out of force. In that situation its like if I go out and drink I’m firstly more likely to drink, secondly more likely to drink more and then eat more in the recovery.

When I think of the weekly average, over a period of time and envision a gradual shift, then it seems like that’s more likely to happen as a symptom of who I am and my habits. There’s less attachment to the results. Its a lifestyle thing. The lifestyle of someone who is at a lighter weight is different. They eat cleaner on a day to day basis. When they drink, they drink less and less frequently. When they go on holiday they eat less. They do more movement during the day from one week to another

But to do that sometime we have to let go of things. As I’m about to go on holiday, its definitely possible to maintain or lose weight. There’s no reason why that can’t happen. But I have to let go of the need to gorge.  Part of the problem arises because when I go on holiday or there’s some break, I don’t have as much vegetables as usual so then I don’t feel full and its a constant attempt to satisfy that and that leads to hunger. However, there’s also that emotional desire to eat more and more. I just have to let that go and take on the new me. That part is the old me. By taking on the new me and doing the sorts of things that the new me does, you end up giving up some of the good stuff for the better stuff. Give up more food for the sense of satisfaction I get from regulating. Give up more food for the physique I want. And its not as if we don’t get to eat. Its just a case of having less and prioritising the things i really want. Its about knowing that there’s always food availability these days. Yeah we’ll miss out on certain items, but there other items, newer ones. Maybe we don’t have the whole pizza now, or we forgo the pizza completely. There’s other pizzas and we don’t need to have the whole thing and we can be Ok with just having a couple of slices.

That brings me on to breakfast buffets. I’d be Ok with skipping breakfasts but when its included in the price of the hotel then it feels like I may aswell go for it. With any buffet its always a case of getting your moneys worth. I think its just a case of accepting that if you eat less its probably going to be more financially expensive. Breakfast buffets are always tough for me. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can always change the narrative and go from hard to easy. Just go up and down the line twice and identify the things that you want the most. Have about the top 5-6 items and just have one plate of those. The next day you can choose different items. There’ll always be buffets. The next holiday and the holiday after. Its not as if you’re really missing out on something so amazing and life changing. Its time to let it go. Its not getting you to where you want to be. It keeps you where you are, it keeps you enslaved. It keeps you going around in circles, trying to achieve the things that you want for years, as opposed to the few months it should take. It's all about the big picture.