Mind-building

As I go along this journey of getting fit and healthy, of losing weight and getting to 68Kg, I often remember, and forget and remember again, that none of this is about the physique. Well, maybe some of it. I mean it is nice to have a strong, lean physique which you can be impressed with when you catch a glimpse in the mirror. But let's face it, I'm not really someone who walks around with his top off. I'm not someone who usually takes his top off at the beach. I only tend to so if I'm getting in the water and when I'm back on usually prefer to put my T-shirt back on.

You could say that's because I don't want to show my body as it is now and when it's leaner, and I like the look more, I'd take my T-shirt off more. I don't think so. I prefer to keep it on for the most part. I'm not really someone who'd show off their six pack if I had one. It's just not me. It's enough for me to know that I have it, I'm fit, lean and healthy. When I did have one it was great to look at in the mirror but I actually hated that time in a way. I'd got my bodyfat really low, I'd trained hard, I'd watched what I ate and got my calories really low. I hit my goal and then I rebounded. All the work, all the effort, all the discipline that I'd put in, all the times I'd said no, all the times I walked past the cafes with their displays taunting me and I just kept walking, all began to unravel.

My cravings and impulses were all over the place. They'd attack uncontrollably like a swarm of locusts coming to get you. I'd eat and eat and eat. I'd see my weight getting higher, then I'd try to control it and bring it down and then the locusts would come again. I'd binge one Tesco's finest shortbread, a 12 pack of Asda doughnuts and other stuff which I never tend to eat. All that hardwork was coming to an end, slipping away from my very eyes. I thought to myself, I was happier at 75kg, when I was much more in control of what I was eating. Not binge eating uncontrollably. Having a six pack was bitter sweet.

For me this isn't about getting a six pack and showing it off. It's not about getting to a place where you're constantly concerned about how food is going to affect the scales in the morning. In fact, the whole having a six pack thing wasn't so amazing. I never actually thought it would be either. It was the journey which was awesome. Pushing myself, pushing my limits, the focus, the dedication, the drive the determination. That's where all the satisfaction was.

In the end, this is not so much to do with the physical appearance, that's a reward and bonus. What's really important, satisfying and fulfilling is getting lean mentally. It's trimming the fat mentally. Challenging the inner demons. The impulses and everything that haunts us and holds us hostage inside. The little addictions and habits. It's cutting out the excess mentally. When we know we shouldn't have another biscuit, but we do. When we know we shouldn't have another slice of cheese cake, or dessert but we do. It's about controlling all that. Saying no to something, say yes to others and be watchful of what we say yes to.

Watching what we eat and going to the gym isn't about bodybuilding. It's about mind-building. Building a lean, trim, sharp, flexible, healthy mind. Building a mind like a steel trap. One which can identify and clamp down on any intruders. One which can say no entry to certain thoughts and tell them to keep walking. One which is fit for purpose. Fit for battle. I'm not watching what I eat, I'm not training to be lean physically. I'm doing it to be lean mentally.